apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I am naked and annoyed.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
