Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
