I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
