i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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