What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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