redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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