I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
