Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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