i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
