you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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