I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
