She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
