I wish I could punch you in the face.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
