i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The uberlube is also flammable
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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