if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
