i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
