when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
