i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
