my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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