I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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