eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
