Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
