the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
