As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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