Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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