Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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