Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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