shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
