Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
