Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
