I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
