Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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