In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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