and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
