I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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