man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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