my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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