i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
