she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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