Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
