something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
