Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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