Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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