Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
