You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Floor bacon is actually really good
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
