New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it's like iHOP with fire
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
