yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Hippo gnu deer
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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