Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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