you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
