My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
