Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
