Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
