I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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