the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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